Why You’re Still Single: Down to a Science

space and timeRelationships and personalities are all in tune with one’s genes and science.  When you think about why you’re still single, maybe it’s something deeper than your deep seeded, back of mind, thoughts that something better will always come along, or that feeling that no one will compare to your ex.  It could be the way that you were tuned from a combination of parenting, education, and science.

Philip Zimbardo, psychologist and head of the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment, recently gave a presentation entitled “The Secret Powers of Time.”  During his presentation, he mentions that there are six different types of people when it comes to time.  Each of the following characteristics can be a reflection of how you interact with your partners in terms of prioritization.

They are:


scrapbookingPast Positive – This first personality is for those who remember all the good times.  These are people who are likely to keep photo albums and old awards.  Those that carry this mentality, want someone who can give them the same core values that they were brought up on.  They also may be content with not being in a relationship as looking back at the good times in their lives, they’ve had it pretty well, and they hope their life will continue down that same path.

The Fix: Start looking into the future.  You’ve been very fortunate to have a great life, but success only comes to those who look for it.

Past Negative – This personality type are of those who focus mainly on regrets and failures.  Things they wished they had accomplished and things they wish they could forget.  Life has not been the easiest and as a result they may feel as though getting into a relationship will only make it harder.  No one wants history to repeat itself and this is the biggest fear to those with this mind-set.

The Fix: Not every day is bad.  Take the past as a learning experience, chalk it up to mistakes, bad luck, what ever you wish, but take it and put it away.  Sometimes it’s time to start new and finding the right companion can really brighten up not only a day, but your life.

SocialiteHedonistic – These people live for pleasure and live for enjoyment.  They look at each day as a new way to be happy and strongly avoid pain.  Children are raised on this idea, and schooling is built to break the “I want this now” attitude.  For many, this personality type wont leave until well into their 20s.

The Fix: This can be challenging but remember while in a relationship it is no longer solely about you.  You need to consider both you and your partner’s feelings when taking an action.  If you know it won’t upset your relationship, then in time you’ll learn the limits of what you may do with that “in the moment” freedom.

Faded Present – This trait can be seen in those that express no real reason to plan for the future.  They see the world as already planned out due to religion, politics, or poverty.  They look into their future as already being planned out for them regardless of what they do to try and change that, if they even choose to try.

The Fix: Know that in all aspects of human nature, we look to be happy.  Everyone tries to get to a level of Zen where they have as little worries as possible.  While your life might be planned out for you, remember that in those cards might also be the perfect companion, and taking that step out of the way to introduce yourself to a stranger, and offer to buy them coffee, might be just what you need.

workaholicFuture Oriented – A common trait in most people, future oriented individuals avoid temptation and avoid pleasures to achieve success.  These people would rather plan and save for their bright future rather than indulge in the pleasantries of today.

The Fix: Remember that if you are always looking into tomorrow, you might miss an opportunity today. Sometimes treating yourself to a little fun will lead you to a perfect companion. Planning is great, but doing it too much can cause you to pass by multiple opportunities and next thing you know you’re a single 80-year-old wondering what all that saving was for.

Fatal Future – Not as bad as it sounds, Fatal Future people see their lives as beginning once the soul leaves the body or, after death.  These futuristic people are typically guided by religion.  These people see their lives as ways to guide them into the afterlife.  Once they have lived the straight and narrowed life, as guided through their scriptures, they will then live happily in the next.

The Fix: Being happy is and should always be a priority. Commonly, following the path that was laid out for you, should lead you on a path to happiness. This should include fulfilling the area in your life of love and passion. Consult with your scriptures or your preacher, and go from there. There are billions of people out there, so there’s bound to be one other person that acts as you do.

Each of these characteristics can be seen in each of us.  I like to classify myself as still very hedonistic; I enjoy living in the moment, enjoying life’s pleasures as they come to me.  In relationships these categorizations can build or destroy your relationship as well if you don’t manage them correctly.  Look at where you fit in and if you’re not happy with the results, change them.  Work towards a personality that you would feel more positive in.  It may feel strange at first, but it can make a world of difference.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Why You’re Still Single: Down to a Science

  1. It may also have something to do with your past life that is affecting you in this lifetime as to why you are single. I would have to say that I do have a little of each characteristic in me. But not as much hedonistic as you. I actually skipped over a could junk of that stage due to my father leaving us from the time I was 10 to the time I was 17. That is why I am like a big kid and get along better with those that are younger then myself. I think part of the reason (despite those that I see in the clubs might think) that I am still single is that I am majorly shy and not attracted to guy’s that are overweight like myself. I don’t like the fact that I am overweight, but it is a hard battle to fight to lose the weight. Especially when you are a stress eater and don’t realize your stressed out until after you’ve eaten an entire package of cookies or donuts in one sitting. But I think their is a lot more that can contribute to why someone is single still besides these traits you discussed.

    So tell me Matt, Did you learn anything about yourself from your research?

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