Double Standard Curse

Double StandardTime and time again I’ve seen and talked to people who are in relationships and feel their partner is pulling a double standard when they go out and do something they just forbid the other one to do.  I was in a relationship once that was built entirely off of this philosophy.  We both went through the relationship fighting because we would tell each other not to do something but we would go out and do it ourselves.  This would in turn, lead to an argument as to why we went and did that action we just got done yelling at the other person for.  This eventually led to our breaking up and I feel it was all due to the infamous Double Standard Curse.

The Double Standard Curse is a very simple concept:

“I don’t approve of what you are doing, but I’m allowed to go out and do it if I want.”

sneakingEvery relationship has encountered this curse at some point in its lifetime.  I know I’ve done it.  I have personal issues when in relationships, I know my boyfriend is around his ex.  It makes me very uncomfortable and it makes it worse when I find out through some other method rather than his own words.  Can someone say trust issues?  Yes!  But to me, having him out with an ex is really unsettling and all I can think about is what if something were to happen.  But on the flip side I have never been with someone who seemed to care about who I am with, because they trust me.  But when ever I go out and hang out with people like an ex,  I get scolded for not informing them!  In turn it then seems as though this is an unspoken agreement that he too can go out and hang out with an ex announced.  THIS IS NOT THE CASE!

Check out my reasoning:

expectationsEveryone has something that angers them.  Everyone should have some standard they should hold their partners at.  If we are left to run free then there would be no emotional connection between a couple.  Sometimes fighting is healthy as long as it is done over issues important to you.  Just because I don’t like Coke, does not mean that you need to dislike Coke too, and with that if you only like plain pizza, there is no way I am giving up my meatball toppings!  If I don’t like an action that my partner is doing and I ask them to stop, that doesn’t mean that they in turn need to become angered at the same issue.  What you expect from your partner does not have to be the same as what they expect from you.  We all have little tics that might set us off, so rather than becoming angered over something that does not normally anger you, save the fight and just know, you have set expectations that they are trying to follow as well.

–Have you ever been in a relationship dealing with the Double Standard Curse?



Filed under Personal

3 responses to “Double Standard Curse

  1. I think the biggest problem besides the double standard is actually a couple things. Trust, being able to give and take, and compromise. People tend to forget that even a relationship is a two way street and you have to be a little flexible. If you trust your partner and they don’t try to hide the fact that they are hanging with their Ex from you then it should be smooth sailing. Trust is probably the biggest of them all.

  2. Pingback: Women on Top: The Decline of the Double Standard « Women in Contemporary Relationships

  3. Pingback: Double Standards « AURORA MOREALIST ©2011 ~ Writer

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