Forget you…and forget her too!

Happy new year readers! I hope you all had an awesome time welcoming in the 2012 year.  I know I did, I was up in Amish country hanging with some of my old frat friends drinking way to much and making mistakes I knew I would regret in the morning.

As I said in my last post I have moved on from a relationship that just was not healthy.  So now that I’m on the dating scene again I wanted to give you a run down of some of the things that I feel might help someone get back into the dating scene.  I know I am no relationship expert but its a new year, you’re single and you are ready to get back out on the market.  Follow my 5 tips for dating that will make any relationship grow and blossom…or not.

1. Pick someone up at a bar.

You are single because you weren’t liked and didn’t get along with someone.  What better way to get over it than by drinking your sorrows away.  And the more you drink, the better the other people at the bar will look.  So it becomes a win win situation for all!

2. Lie, cheat and steal.

Everyone like a bad boy.  So prepare yourself to lie cheat and steal.  I once was at the bar with my friend and told some stranger I was a porn star.  I was not only a porn star but, the friend I was with, was actually my partner in crime.  That didn’t go over well with the friend but I had fun with it.  I’m sorry to whom ever that was i was talking to, or even if you remember it.  When we later recounted the event I couldn’t even remember what ethnicity he was, just to give you an idea of the state of mind I was in.

3. Dating sites are so cool.

Did you know that 35% of all the people on dating sites are actually already in a relationship.  This leads into my third point.  When you feel down or upset, how is the best way to cheer yourself up?  At the expense of others of course!  So if you are upset over a tough break up, ruining someone else’s relationship is a key way to cheer yourself up.  And if you aren’t upset.  Looking at some of the profiles on their will definitely give you an esteem boost because lets face it…some people don’t have the prettiest profile pictures.

4. Shop.

What better way to find that trophy wife than to act like you shop.  Let’s face it, you no longer have to go out and buy that super cute outfit to impress your spouse any longer; and you don’t have to spend money on those forgiveness roses that you owe your “significant other” now.  So spend away…or pretend to.  Think about what store you want to fake shop in because it will allow you to guess as to the income of that potential next mate.  I would steer clear of the K-Marts and the Wal-Marts of the world and head to those clothing stores like Ralph Lauren or Chanel.  Get those high-end trophy hunks!

5. Slash some tires.

Nothing feels better than getting revenge.  So maybe it’s the ex, maybe it’s that whore who they cheated on with, but don’t show them any mercy.  It’ll make them definitely think twice as to why they broke up with you.  And you will also guarantee that they wont be trying to get back into your life any time soon.  Remember, they are ex’s for a reason.  Once you take it out on their material goods, you will feel much better!  And if they didn’t figure out it was you…you are in the clear.  WARNING: Don’t hurt anyone…that borders on psycho, and that’s just not classy.

Well there you have it, those are my 5 things I feel someone should do when they are preparing to get back into the “scene” so good luck kids and ill see you at the bars!

On a side note, I’m up in Boston right now and it is way to cold for any human being.  Beautiful city, crappy weather! 

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