You’re How Poor?!? A College Kid’s Guide

So like I have mentioned I graduated last May.  I was lucky enough to get an awesome job since then doing exactly what I went to school for.  Now while this has limited my weekday fun, it has not hindered my ability to still interact with some of my old friends that I have made since I was in school.  So I figured I would throw together this little guide as to how I was able to live life on a budget through my second semester of college.  As we all know, come your return to school, the money you worked so hard to collect all summer with that simple seasonal job…just isnt there anymore.  So here are some things that I used to help me get by.

Rule 1.  Don’t buy books

 I learned this little tidbit my second semester of my Freshman year.  The books that you purchase are usually going to be never opened and honestly never used.  This rule will most apply to college courses that are electives.  If you are signing up for elective classes that requires a lot of reading, you are setting yourself up for failure, and probably a nerd, in which case nothing related to my life will interest you therefore you should stop reading now.

Rule 2. Take advantage of your parents

If they were dumb enough to have you, they are dumb enough to spend money on you.  Every time my parents came up, I knew that ment, free food, more clothing, and more free food.  The grocery store is the best hang out for students and their parents.  And the bigger the shopping cart, the better.  So don’t be ashamed of your parents visiting you at your school, just tell all your friends that you’ll be the one eating for the next week.

Rule 3. Sleep with someone

If you are out, try staying at someone else’s house, in the morning raid their cabinets prior to doing the walk of shame.  You never know what similarities you may have with that kid you don’t even know the name of, and what better way to find out!  Do you use the same shampoo, eat the same cereals, maybe even have the same pet food brands?  This is a great way to get to know someone and if you make it a priority, it will always encourage you to make sure you are out of their house before they wake up and one of you realize that it was a mistake.

Rule 4. Caff food sucks!

It’s over priced, usually will make you crap yourself for a week, and is generally probably not to healthy for you.  Save the money you would spend on a cafeteria meal plan, and go shopping.  I’m sure you would look much better in those new jeans you were trying to fit into now that you can not only afford them, but you can fit in them as well do to your lack of over eating (or eating in general) without that meal plan.

Rule 5. Herpes is your friend

I DON’T HAVE HERPES.  But if YOU do…its a fun way of not having to share.  “Can I try your drink?” “Can I have some of your chicken?” “Can we drunkenly make out since I know it would never happen while you’re sober?”  The ever infamous “I have herpes” reaction will now allow you to keep your belongings to yourself.  And if you DO have herpes, please take full advantage of this, don’t be that herpes sharing jerk who doesn’t tell anyone because really…no one liked you anyway, ever since you got that nasty cold sore on your lip.

Anyway, those are my 5 tips to how you can keep on a nice budget once your little holiday season comes to a close.  Happy Holidays!

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4 Comments

Filed under Personal

4 responses to “You’re How Poor?!? A College Kid’s Guide

  1. carol dolan

    Always loved your sense of humor 🙂

  2. greg

    If I may…two suggestions…take full advantage of the “home shopping network”! When you visit home raid the pantry and the bahroom closet for any items you may need. Also, find a hospital that will pay you to give blood. It makes good beer money and the buzz is quick since you are a pint low.

  3. Anonymous

    Ok I must say these tips weren’t all that helpful. There are many cases that you don’t need books, sure, but why not do people a real favor and suggest half.com for their books. I’ve purchased $250+ books for $12 beans before. Then turned around and sold them back to the bookstore for $50-75. Win.

    And also, I read nothing about sleeping with your professor. I once had a teacher who wanted me to piss in his mouth. Do you know how much i got paid for that??? Not to mention my GPA went through the roof. Let’s hear some real tips mmkay? Not just some bantering you come up with due to a lack of sleep and over consumption of Starbucks. This blog is a train wreck, get it together *clap clap*

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